Thouigh I Know

Though I know

you’re never coming over again

at least

in the way you did before

I still

wait by the window

and hate the window

and hate the summer

———————————–

Though I know

you’re never-I almost said home-

as though I, or anyone

could ever give your restless soul

home

your soles travel

the length and tense

the length and tense

of Philadelphia

I would settle for your soles, if not your soul,

I have

none of you

I am a mighty fool

I wait by windows

__________________________________–

Though I know

you’re never coming over again

as you once did

when I was a new experience

(unlike crack, I’m not addictive

and the new gets old real quick)

Though I know

I still wait

by the window

Though I know

_______________________________-

Though I know

you’re never coming over again

as once you were

you might come to talk

to sleep

to bring over a book you borrowed

or one to lend

I

sit by the window

carrying a torch

slightly bigger

than Ms. Liberty

__________________________________

Though I know

you’re never coming over again

I stand

by the window

watch claw-in-claw lovers

till I can watch no more of them,

(ayyy, that’s who a them is)

go off to my tiny archway bed

fight off dreams of you

as though I could

__________________________________

As though I could

seek other dreams

as though I would

As though I would

learn anything new

learn anyone new

or learn

anything

not

named

you.

_______________________________________

Though I kow

I stand by my window on Passyunk Avenue

waiting for you

praying for you

staying

in still motion

still life

a painting of a pauper

Though I know

__________________________________

Though I know

I would do desperate deeds for you

if that could make yesterday

again

you are out there runnin’

I am part of your past

as packed away

as your old tattered copies of Howl and Kaddish

I yet wait by

standing at this window,

this widow’s window,

as though I were a sailor’s wife

or someone else

so fortunate

someone else

so cer tain

of lover’s return

I still wait

my flag at half staff

and loss

Though I know

______________________________________

Though I know

there is nothing to do

but go on

to the next

new

adventure

but I re

sist

but I

always the dreamer

always the pisces

always the Poet

this fan ta sy man

this dan cing man

this man of a thousand chases

still stands by the window

waiting for you

till mid night and then

past

that

sad

time

where losses are counted and numbered

where losses

are counted and numbered

then placed in the oak bureau drawer

with old Poems

unsent letters

and other

pictures of the dead

till midnight

he stands

and then some more,

looking at Silent Radio News across the street,

Your Name

never appears

just baseball scores

and un de clared wars

and the other varieties of evil

we insist, in our continuing confliction, infliction-

I still stand,

a soldier,

from a vanquished army,

like the last Japanese Soldier

on the last

deserted

island

waiting for Empress’ order

Though I know

_________________________

Though I know

I

still

stand

by window’s flame, consumed, as though

by widow’s flame

as though you were the husband

in ancient India

as though

I must still stand

till the flames

have seared my skin to bone

have cracked my bone

have caused me to return unto sea and dirt

from which I was born

and where I will surely go

Though I know

_____________________________

Though I know

I will greet sweet death

and whatever dreams wait after

ere we touch as lovers again

Though I know all this

as surely as I know the feel of my flesh

how my blind hand feels on my soaken face

Though I know all the excuses of the world

and how times are not to be trusted

Though I know this life is the impurest dream

and I must wake up

I must wake up!

I still wait

by the window

Though I know

_______________________________

Though I know

I still wait

by the window

I must wait

by the window

There is noone left named me

if I do not wait

by this window

that you

do

not

come

by

again in this life in the way that you once came as

lover

I do still know

this

I do still know

this

I do

still

wait

I do

still

as an evening’s suicide

Though

I

know

original 7-12/86 rev 9-25-86 then 11/21/20

Maybe I should send this out again

previously rejected by Long Poem Magazine

About bobsmall1

Bob Small has read at Bacchanal, Barnes and Noble, Borders, The Booksource (Swarthmore), The Clark Park Festivals,Community College of Philadelphia Highwire Gallery, The Mad Poets Annual Food Fest Reading, The Middle East Restaurant, Nexus GalleryThe Painted Bride Arts Center, The Philadelphia Ethical Society, Robin's Bookstore The University of Pennsylvania and also in New York City, Trenton, NJ, Washington, DC, and in many Delaware Valley Venues. He is the author of numerous chapbooks, including El Otro Lado (with Maralyn Lois Polak), On watching America Die, Small Steps and Toes (with Lamont B. Steptoe), and The Unapoet. This is his first Reading in over a year. Bob Small was Founder and President of the two decades old Poets and Prophets, which presented Poetry Readings in both Delaware County and Philadelphia. Bob was the Chair of The Delaware County Green Party and was the First Green Party Candidate in Delaware County (2005). He was also a Green Party National Delegate, among other duties. He is the Founder and Facilitator of The Pennsylvania Ballot Access Coalition (PaBac), which is a Coalition of both Independents and Third Parties., seeking to legislatively improve Pennsylvania's Ballot Access Laws. (Facebook) Bob is also a founding member and Facilitator of Democracy Unplugged, and Delco Debates, which has presented Independent and Third Party Forums in Delaware County since 2004. Facebook) He was formerly involved with Cinema Resistance, and Delco Pledge of Resistance. Bob currently lives in Swarthmore with his wife and their menagerie of animals. He is currently focused on writing a Novel and organizing his Poetry, which he posts on his Blog (Bob Small1). He is retired from most of the above activities, except Delco Debates and Poets and Prophets, which he may return to.
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